Tormented
by Rosajean
Summary: The Lightman Group's newest case is tormenting Ria but she doesn't want anyone to know why.  Rated T for some mention of violence. Was a one-shot, but I decided to continue the story. Involves Ria, Cal, Gillian & Loker.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing except for a great affinity towards Lie To Me and everything having to do with it. **

**Any reviews, good or bad, would be appreciated. :)**

Ria couldn't seem to get out of her own head. Sleep wouldn't come and the more she lay there the more memories from the past flooded her mind. And not exactly happy memories either. Memories that she usually pushed to the farthest recesses of her mind and refused to think about or dwell on because they wouldn't get her anywhere, except exactly where she was – miserable and sleepless.

Her alarm went off the next morning at 6 a.m., just 45 minutes after she had finally fallen asleep. Groaning at the blaring noise (she had picked out the loudest alarm clock she could find at the market because being a heavy sleeper didn't bode well for being a good employee), she climbed out of bed and headed for the shower.

She stood under the hot water an extra ten minutes, hoping it would wake her and make her look fresher than she felt after a week's worth of sleepless nights and being over-caffeinated. As last night's thoughts started to creep back in she fought hard to push them out, choosing to focus on this week's case and what she needed to get done today to keep Cal off her back. She would need to be in top form for the interviews she would be working on and she knew that being tired would make her reflexes and intuition a bit fuzzy, as well as making it more difficult to mask her own face from the prying eyes of Cal, Gillian, and Loker - though she never seemed to be very good at hiding her thoughts from them anyways. But that didn't stop her from trying.

She walked into the Lightman building a few minutes before 8 a.m. and was glad to see that no one was around just yet. She made her way to one of the computers outside the Cube and opened an interview Cal and Gillian had conducted the day before that Cal wanted her to analyze for their case. She had been watching the interview of a sixteen year old girl and jotting down notes for a half hour when she sensed another person enter the room. She kept her eyes on the screen, intent on maintaining her focus which seemed all too easy to lose in the past couple days – again, probably from lack of sleep. Cal sidled over to where she was working and watched for a moment while she analyzed the interview and took down notes.

"_Fear."_ Cal said rather forcefully, causing Ria to look up at him abruptly. He read the confused look on her face and his impatience got the better of him. _"That was fear on her face. You wrote down 'sadness'. It was bloody obvious, Torres. You've been working here for 6 months and you can't even spot that? Have you learned nothing?"_

He turned to go, but stopped at the door and looked back. _"Look. I don't bloody well give a damn 'bout what you do in your own free time. But when it starts interfering with your work here, then you're no use to me."_

He scanned the look on her face, noting various emotions among the creased eyebrows, the tensed mouth, and her eyes that seemed to convey a myriad of emotions all at once: Confusion. Shock. Anger. And what was that last one? Shame?

"_What is it then? Bar hopping? Drugs? Sex? Whatever it is, you'll be lookin' for another job if it keeps on interfering with your work. Got it?"_ And with that he turned and left the room, not waiting for a reply.

Despite Cal's typically incisive manner, Ria had never felt quite so humiliated in the 6 months she had worked for The Lightman Group. Shaking from an intense surge of emotions, she made her way to the bathroom so she could gather control of herself in private. Her hands gripping either side of a sink to steady herself, she kept her head down, afraid of what she would see if she looked up into the mirror, and began the pep talk that she'd given herself at least a thousand times before.

"_It doesn't own me. It doesn't control me. It's in the past. I'm strong. I'm independent. The past is the past. I have a job to do and I'm going to do it."_ She finally braved a look into the mirror and was startled to find the reflection of Gillian standing behind her. _Shit, _she thought to herself, making sure she cleared her face of all expressions. Steeling herself, she turned around to face Gillian, but felt too embarrassed and ashamed to meet her eyes. _I can't believe she caught me like this. Of course, I should have checked to see if there was anyone else in the stalls. I need to get my head on straight, I'm losing my cool. "Hey Gillian." _

"_Ria?"_ She shouldn't have been surprised at the sound of concern in Gillian's voice – in the 6 months she'd known her, Gillian had easily taken on the appellation as the most compassionate person she'd ever met. She knew that when she raised her eyes to meet Gillian's, the concern in her voice would be reflected in her eyes – and when she did, it was.

"_It's nothing. I'm fine."_

She had managed to keep her past hidden from The Lightman Group thus far, and she had no intention of giving in now. A little bit of comfort in the present was not worth the stares and whispers she'd have to endure later. She had learned this the hard way.

Gillian could see by the resolve on her face that Ria had no intention of talking, so she nodded and said "_Well, my door's always open if you need someone to listen." _and walked out of the bathroom, giving her the privacy that she suspected was needed.

It was this new case they were working on that tormented her day and night. It had brought up too many memories; it was too close to what she had experience herself and finding objectivity and putting distance between the case and herself had gotten harder to do each day. She heard a knock and then Loker's voice coming through the bathroom door, _"Hey Ria, you in there? Cal's got the father in the Cube and he wants to start the interview right away. Wants you in there to do the talking while he observes." _

"_Coming." _She called, wiping away the tears that had started streaming down her face. When she exited the bathroom, Loker gave her a questioning look, but said nothing as they made their way down the hall.

When they arrived, Cal and Gillian stood outside the Cube, while a white man in his late forties waited inside. _"Right, then. Took you long enough," _came Cal's response to their arrival.

"_Let's just go over what we know about this guy, so everyone's up to speed."_ Gillian cut in, aware of how on edge Ria already was and not wanting to give Cal the opportunity to start interrogating Ria about where she'd been or the fact that her eyes were a bit watery.

"_Right to the chase, then, eh? Okay, well, Daddy here's a copper – Chief of Police, to be exact - Mum passed away somewhere 'bout 3 years ago, and the daughter's sixteen. She goes to a guy on the squad she thinks she can trust, says daddy's been beating her for years, she wants out, wants to press charges, yada yada yada. They don't wanna accuse the Chief of Police without hard evidence, y'know? Scandal an' all that. So like everyone else, they come to us for the truth. That everythin', luv?" _Cal summarizes, looking over at Gillian.

"_Pretty much."_

"_Right then. Change of plan, Torres. I talk, you watch. Got it?" _She nodded then followed him as he turned and walked into the Cube. The cop had been waiting for over an hour and his annoyance was very obviously plastered on his face.

"_Alright. Out with it then. Come on, I haven't got all day." _Cal practically shouted at him the moment they entered, trying to startle the guy. It would give him a better read if the guy was already on edge when he started in with the questioning.

"_I, uh, what? Out with what?"_ Cal's plan had clearly worked – the guy was visibly flustered.

"_Well surely you can figure out why you're here. You're not exactly innocent, are ya?"_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about."_

"_Right. That's a lie." _Cal stated, noticing the higher pitch in his voice and the slight flare of his nostrils. _"So who told you then?"_

"_Told me what?"_ The guy feigned innocence.

"_Who told you that your daughter made a report to a police officer about the fact that you've been beating her since she was twelve?"_

"_I've never touched Amy. She's lying."_

"_And why would she do that?"_

"_She's a trouble maker. I can't handle her, haven't been able to since her mother passed."_

"_Right. So how often do you beat her? Couple times a week? Or every day?" _Cal observed the man's reaction. "_Right. Every day it is then."_

"_This is ridiculous. I'm not putting up with this bullshit." _He got up to leave and Cal forcefully gripped his shoulder and pushed him back down onto the metal chair.

"_You're not going anywhere. So tell me, what's your weapon of choice? A belt? No, you prefer using your fists, don't you? Make you feel like a man, that? Does it? You catchin' all o' this, Torres?"_ Cal glanced over in Ria's direction to see if she was seeing what he was seeing and was surprised at what he saw on her face, as she glared at the cop. There was definitely a lot of anger there, but it was more than that. Hatred. Pure, unadulterated hatred. She nodded, implying she was seeing what he was seeing, but never taking her eyes off the guy.

When he asked his next questions, he kept his eyes trained on Ria instead of turning back to the guy. _"How many times did you put her in the hospital? How many bones have you broken? How many bruises has she had to hide?" _The emotions that he saw flicker across Ria's face when she didn't know he was watching her made him feel sick to his stomach. But, as though she could sense his gaze, she looked over and saw that his eyes were focused on her – and it made her run. She fled the Cube before Cal could say anything, though he had no idea what to say anyways. She passed Gillian and Loker on her way out the door, ignoring their calls after her and their questioning looks.

Cal followed her out, saying as he went "_Loker, stay here, make sure this scum doesn't go anywhere. Gillian, come with me."_

Ria ran down the hall, slipping into the first empty office she could find, and slamming the door behind her. She barely had time to register that she was in Gillian's office before she slumped to the floor, just a few feet inside the room. When Cal opened the door, they found her there, with her knees drawn up to her chest and her head down, her body shaking in quiet sobs. Cal took a seat beside her on the floor, not really sure what to do or say, which is precisely why he brought Gillian along. After all, she was the psychiatrist, not him. Gillian shut the door quietly, and took a seat on the floor as well, silently thanking the stars that she had chosen to wear jeans that day instead of a skirt. She placed a hand on Ria's back and began rubbing it in circular motions.

"_Want to talk about it?" _she asked. Ria lifted her head, tears streaming down her face, and just shook her head.

It wasn't like Torres to keep so quiet and not vocalize her thoughts. And this, more than anything, was what worried Cal. _"How bad was it?"_ He wasn't sure it was the right thing to ask, but he had to draw her out somehow. She glanced over at him for just a second, allowing him to see the pain in her eyes, and then looked down in shame.

"_Luv, it's not doin' you any good to bottle it up, so why don't you tell us?"_ He encouraged her in an uncharacteristically kind and quiet voice. He could sense the exact moment when her resolve crumbled, but wasn't really prepared for the words that came next.

"_Bad. It was really bad. I almost died. Twice." _

Gillian winced, but didn't say anything, knowing that she had to give Ria the time to find the words. They waited, and eventually the words came. Finally giving herself permission to reveal the secrets that she had fought for so long to hide from everyone, she started spilling her stories: Stories about the many times her father had beaten her – about the bruises she tried to hide from the teachers and the school nurse, about the frequent trips to the emergency room, about the six broken bones, about cigarette burns that she still had scars from, about the first time she almost died when he stabbed her 7 times with a kitchen knife, and about the second time when she had technically died for 47 seconds because he had shot her just over the heart with his .38 revolver, and how Child Protective Services had finally taken her away from him after that.

Tears endlessly streamed down her face as she shared her secrets. She continued to keep her head down, afraid of the judgment and the pity, or even the shock and disgust that she would see on their faces if she looked up. When she finished sharing all the details of her sad story, the sobs started again and she fought hard to control them. Other than her silent sobs, the room went quiet for a moment that seemed to stretch out like an eternity. Cal didn't have the slightest clue of what to say, so instead he pulled Ria into his arms and let her cry out the rest of her tears in silence. It was a full ten minutes before she had calmed down completely, and when she did, she realized that she was gripping Cal's shirt with both hands and that her tears had soaked his front. Embarrassed, she pulled away.

"_Sorry," _she mumbled, though not sure if she was apologizing for the shirt or for having unloaded her baggage onto him, onto them.

"_What, the shirt? Yea, I s'pose you'll have to buy me a new one now. Don't worry, I'll just take it outta your paycheck," _he said in a joking tone. Seeing a slight hint of a smile on her face at the jest made the knot of tension and worry in Cal's stomach ease up a bit.

Then, in a serious tone, he continued on, _"Actually, luv, should be me who's apologizing." _The startled look on both Ria and Gillian's face was priceless. Cal, apologize? That would be a first.

"_Wait, let me get the video camera."_ Gillian quipped, and it was reassuring to hear Ria actually laugh out loud at the dig aimed at Cal.

"_Hey now! Be nice." _He mock glared at Gillian.

The corner of Gillian's mouth lifted in a slight grin, and then she nudged him _"You were saying?"_

"_Right."_ He resumed looking at Ria. _"This mornin', I was a bit of an ass."_ Ria bit her tongue, as Gillian gave him that knowing look. _"Okay, yea, more than a bit. Sorry. Anyways, without getting too psychological, I think you were projecting your feelings onto the daughter we interviewed."_ Ria raised an eyebrow, giving him a look that said '_What are you getting at?'_ but didn't say anything.

"_Well, see, that girl's still living it, ya know. She's still terrified to go home at night, still very much within the grasp of her father's wrath. So she was feeling fear. But you…see, I think you were seeing sadness in her because it's what you were feeling when her reality drew out your memories." _He paused, scanning her face for signs of understanding. _"What I'm trying to say, luv, is that you've already conquered your past, so don't start the battle all over again. You've made your life a success story, after all the horrible stuff that's happened to you. So don't give it power over you now. Don't let it torture you, don't let it control you. And stop letting it keep you up at night. You're stronger than that, Ria."_ The use of her first name didn't go unnoticed, seeing as Cal always used her surname, but it took a back seat to the fact that he thought she was strong. Just knowing he thought it, it made her feel stronger than she'd felt in the past week, maybe in the past month.

"_Ria, why don't you take the rest of the day off? Go home, get some sleep, and then see how you feel in the morning." _Gillian offered.

"_Yea, that sounds like a good plan, luv, why don't you do that?" _Cal seconded.

"_No!"_ Seeing that her forceful reply startled both of them, she explained, _"I'm not going home. Going home is like giving in to it, like saying I'm weak, I can't handle it, that it's got the best of me. I'm staying. I'm staying and we're gonna nail this bastard, and then I'll go home and I'll sleep better than I've slept all week." _She picked herself up off the floor, wiped away the tear streaks from her face, and gave a pointed look to both Cal and Gillian, who were still sitting on the floor. Noting the look of resolve on her face, they knew it would be useless to argue, so they got up and followed her out the door.

Just a few hours later, they had all the evidence they needed for a conviction, and could rest assured that the soon-to-be ex-Chief of Police would be spending the next seven years in jail. The daughter would be moving in with her aunt on her mother's side who had decided to find the girl a therapist to talk to after Gillian's recommendation.

After her breakdown, Ria started to worry about how she would be treated now that her secret was out. Would they look at her with pity? Will she become the center of office gossip? Will they trust her to do her job? She had once told a former employer and friend about her past, and found that the relationship wasn't strong enough to handle her baggage, forcing her to give up a good job. She didn't want to walk away from this job, it was the most intriguing work she'd ever done. But as she continued her work throughout the day, intent on doing her best, everything seemed to go back to normal. Well, normal except for perhaps Gillian seemed to be smiling at her even more than usual, and Cal had taken to calling her Ria instead of Torres. But for the most part, he was back to his cocky self, which was more reassuring than one might think.

The only one not acting himself was Loker. She wasn't intentionally leaving him in the dark – they had developed a deep friendship over the past 6 months, both snarky and flirtatious – but she couldn't bring herself to retell the whole horrible story again. So instead, she pleaded her case to Gillian, asking that she be the one to tell him when he started questioning everyone as she knew he was bound to do. Gillian was hesitant at first, but knowing how difficult it had been for Ria to tell the story the first time around, she relented and agreed to fill him in.

Tired at the start of the day and absolutely exhausted by the end of it, Ria headed home, looking forward to a hot bath and confident that she was about to get the first full night's worth of sleep that she'd had in a week. And confident that she'd still have a job and friends in the morning. Perhaps it would even be better, now that she didn't have to hide her past from them anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**This was a one-shot, but I kept getting a nagging feeling that there was more to the story, so I've expanded it…more chapters to come. :)**

**Disclaimer's the same as always – I own nothing except a lot of affinity towards Lie To Me.**

Loker had had enough. He was tired of walking on eggshells all day long, feeling like the only one not in the loop. It was a little after 7pm, and he, Gillian and Cal were all still at the office, finishing up the paperwork from their most recent case, assuring that the bastard they just nailed would spend as much time as possible in prison. It still made his blood boil to think of what that monster had done to his daughter day after day for the past 4 years. He would never understand how you could call yourself a man after you hit a woman or a child. But even his fury and disgust over the Chief of Police's despicable actions couldn't distract him from the fact that something had definitely happened with Ria earlier today and no one seemed interested in clueing him in.

His need to know and his knowing that he should let Ria have her privacy had been in a constant battle all day, but he had finally given in to his intense curiosity, which is why he found himself knocking on Gillian's door after office hours, knowing she would still be there.

After hearing her say "_Come in."_ he walked in and sat himself down in a chair facing her across the desk, and waited for her to look up from her paperwork.

"_Eli."_ She gave him a small smile. _"I figured I'd be seeing you sooner or later."_

"_What?"_ His face flashed a small look of surprise at the realization that she probably already knew about the internal battle he had been wagering all day.

"_Well, considering your insanely curious nature and the fact that Ria ran out of an investigation earlier today, followed by Cal and me, and then she actually left work at the end of office hours instead of staying late like we all always do, it doesn't take a genius to put together the fact that something's going on and you want to know about it."_

Loker debated what to reply to this analysis that he should've seen coming but felt blindsided by, all the same. It wasn't like he could deny that it had been bugging him all day, he just didn't know that everyone else knew. But he was more intent on unfolding the mystery of Ria's actions than discussing his readability so he simply said _"Well?"_

"_Well…. I've been debating with myself all day about just what I should say when you came asking. You should know that Ria asked me to speak with you because she wasn't comfortable retelling what she told Cal and me, but she still wanted you to know."_

Loker wasn't sure how he felt at hearing these words. Worried, definitely, but also perhaps offended. _I thought we had become good friends, why couldn't she confide in me? Yet she could confide in Gillian and Cal?,_ he thought to himself.

She easily read the look of hurt, as well as worry, on Loker's face. _"Eli, it's not that she doesn't trust you or count you as a friend. What she told Cal and me – what I'm about to tell you – was really hard for her to share. And I admit, it was hard to hear as well."_ Loker noticed a shadow cross her face, only increasing the feeling of worry that was beginning to pervade his entire body. But he kept silent, and let her continue, noticing the hesitance and sadness that permeated her next words.

"_The case that we we've been working on over the past week has been especially hard for Ria. When she was a child her father physically abused her on a regular basis. It went on for years and she was in and out of the hospital often. She had multiple broken bones, scars, bruises, and she nearly died twice. To be honest, it's one of the worst cases I've come across since becoming a therapist. She was eventually taken away and put into a foster home, but it's pretty clear to see that the damage that was done was severe and it still affects her in some ways."_

Gillian felt the tears start to fall down her face, as for the first time, she let herself get lost in the sadness that she had been feeling since Ria had first shared her story. She wanted to be strong for Ria, be a friend that she could lean on, and so she had forced herself to be positive and upbeat around her all day long. But the truth was, it made her very sad to hear what her friend had gone through, even sadder to realize that Ria hadn't felt like she could confide in anyone in the office, not even her, and it made her livid at the bastard who had caused such pain and mistrust of people in her friend's life. 

Loker felt overcome with a lot of unexpected rage, but also an increasing sense of worry. He stood up quickly, his mind made up on what he had to do. Noticing that his abrupt movements had startled Gillian, he reached over and grabbed her hand that was resting on the desk, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "_Thanks Gillian."_ he muttered and then hurried out of her office, heading towards his own to grab his keys.

Passing Cal's office on his way out of the building, he stopped, peeked in and saw Cal sitting at his desk with a glass of scotch in his hand, staring out the window.

"_Hey Lightman, I've gotta go. But could you check in on Gillian?"_ And with that he rushed out the door, leaving a startled Cal behind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer's the same as always.**

**Thanks to those who've left reviews – they're appreciated! :)**

Cal sauntered over to Gillian's office, pretty certain he already knew why Loker asked him to check in on her. Walking in without knocking, he found her with her back to the door, staring out the window just the same as he had been doing moments before. And he was convinced that the same thoughts were plaguing her mind as they did his. He walked over to where she stood, gently clasping her shoulder and pulling her around to face him. It didn't surprise him to see the streaks of tears and mascara on her face. He expected it really – his partner had always had a soft spot for children and the thought of someone hurting a child was as sickening to her as it was to him. But knowing all this didn't make it any easier for him to see her crying – it was like being punched in the stomach.

He pulled her into a tight hug and held her there for a long moment before pulling back just far enough to look into her eyes. He brought his hands up to her face and wiped away the mascara smudges with the pads of his thumbs.

"_Hey luv."_ It was as simple as that. Just those two words was all it took to bring a smile to her face and convey how much he cared about how much she was hurting in that moment. They stood there, observing each other's faces, silently reading the emotions that each was feeling. He saw the aching of her heart, both for Ria and for Amy, and he also saw her gratefulness, and knew that it was for him – that she was glad he was there to wrap his arms around her and offer some small comfort in this cold and cruel world.

She knew that the idea of someone hurting Ria, of hurting any defenseless child, was torturing him. He would never really admit that he had come to care about his protégé quite a lot, but she had learned over the years to tell the difference between his mock contempt and his real hatred. She knew he cared, and she could sense his anger that was still boiling just beneath the surface.

"_Gill, luv, I just can't imagine. If someone did that to my Emily…"_ he dropped off, unable to find the words to express the emotion that overwhelmed him at the thought of something horrible like that happening to his own daughter.

"_Emily is lucky. You're a great father and you've always been there to protect her and make sure that no one could ever harm her. Ria… wasn't so lucky." _

He nodded, taking in her words, and making the same vow to himself that he'd made at least a million times since the day Emily was born – that he'd always be there to watch over her and protect her, that he'd make sure no one could ever hurt his little girl.

Then he smirked at her, lightening the mood, and said _"Well don't tell no one, luv. I've got my rep to think about, y'know."_

She laughed at his words, asking "_And being known as a good father would ruin your reputation?"_

"_Oh absolutely. Would totally ruin my bad boy image. Girls like that, I hear." _

"_Only some girls, Cal." _ She replied, with a roll of her eyes and a sigh that couldn't quite hide the fact that she found him humorous. She moved out of his arms and back towards her desk.

"_Right, well. S'pose we oughta get goin' or we'll be late."_ was his unexpected response.

"_We?"_

"_Yep. Emily's makin' spaghetti and I told her you'd be joinin' us."_

"_Is that so?"_

"_Yep. And there's gonna be pudding for dessert."_

"_Chocolate?"_

"_What else?"_

"_Well, you do know how to make a girl feel special." _ She replied with a smile on her face as she picked up her purse and headed for the door, leaving a grinning Cal behind her.

"_I'll meet you there. I gotta stop at the store first and pick up some pudding." _ His reply was met with a laugh, as he watched her walk out the door, certain that she was rolling her eyes again though he couldn't see it.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm marking this story as complete, but I'm not entirely certain that this is the end. I feel like this is the end, but then again I may get a nagging sensation once again and decide there's more to the story. (But fear not, if it's the end, I have a couple ideas for other LTM stories that I'm eager to explore. :)**

**Also, it may be a bit more OOC this chapter (esp. towards the end), but I tried to keep it close. :)**

**Thanks to those that read and especially to those that read and review!**

**Disclaimer's the same as always.**

Loker pulled into the parking lot outside Ria's apartment building, grabbing a large brown paper sack from the passenger seat and exiting the car. Climbing the three flights of stairs, he finally arrived at her door, hesitating just a moment before knocking.

Ria opened the door, a beer in one hand, and a resigned look plastered on her face. It wasn't like she didn't expect Loker to want to talk to her after he talked with Gillian, but she had held out the slightest bit of hope that he would leave it to tomorrow, or maybe call her instead of showing up on her doorstep. But no such luck. She moved aside, letting him enter the apartment, then shut and locked the door behind him, neither of them saying anything.

As they stood there in the entryway of her home, the silence seemed to stretch out between them like an impassable canyon. She saw him eyeing her, trying to discern her state of mind, and barely refrained from rolling her eyes – even in her own home she couldn't escape it. Not that she always wanted to – but on rough days like today she already felt more than enough vulnerable.

"_You can stop looking at me like that. I'm still on my first." _She stated, gesturing to the beer in her hand, knowing that he was trying to ascertain her level of sobriety. He didn't say anything in response, simply nodded, but he couldn't hide from her the brief sign of relief that flashed across his face.

"So… what's in the bag?" She asked, trying to break this silence that was starting to become more and more uncomfortable as each second ticked by slowly.

He glanced down at the sack in his hand that he forgot he was holding. _"Chinese. I thought maybe… you didn't eat a lot at lunch today, so I was thinking…"_

Beyond rushing out of the office in a surge of emotions and deciding at the last minute to grab some takeout on the way, he hadn't planned what he would say or do once he actually got there. He didn't even really know why he _was_ there, he had just acted on instinct, knowing he had to see her, see if she was okay. But his mind was only just catching up to his emotions and he suddenly felt very awkward at having rushed over to her apartment without invitation or even an advanced notice of his coming.

Noticing his look of discomfort, she put him at ease. _"Great, I'm starved. Why don't you take those into the living room and I'll get you something to drink. You want a beer?"_

"_No. But I'd appreciate a glass of water."_ His face and tone didn't show any judgment, but the point he was making was understood, loud and clear. She walked into the kitchen and upended her bottle of beer into the sink. It wasn't like her to waste a good brewski, but considering her rash behavior in front of Lightman and his daughter the last time she drank too much and the regret she still harbored over it, she knew it would be better to stay sober, despite the immense appeal of 'drowning her sorrows'. When she walked into the living room, Loker noticed the two glasses of water she set down on the coffee table. He didn't comment but his face flashed another microexpression of relief.

Loker sat on one end of the couch, while Ria opted to forgo the couch and instead sat in a nearby chair, legs crossed beneath her. They'd been sitting quietly for a very long five minutes before Loker finally broke the silence. _"For someone who's starving, you're not eating very much." _No reply, no reaction. "_Ria?_"

"_Do you think violence is genetic?"_ She asked, not looking at him, just keeping her eyes on the container of lo mein in her hands.

The question threw him off guard. It definitely wasn't what he expected her to say, but he went with it, just glad that she was talking. _"Well, there've been a lot of studies done on the matter. They've showed some correlations between violence and genetics, but nothing conclusive. There've also been a lot of studies showing correlation between tendency towards violence and a person's previous exposure to it. Nature vs. nurture – it's a debate that never dies." _He studied her face, looking for a reaction to what he said, trying to figure out what was going on inside her mind.

"_I guess it doesn't matter for me anyways. Nature, nurture – either way I'm screwed."_ An expression of deep sadness settled onto her face. Loker had never seen her express her emotions so openly before and it was heart wrenching to watch the struggle she was going through play itself out on her face.

"_What do you mean?" _He asked, causing her to look up at him. She held his gaze, her eyes silently asking if she could trust him with her fears, if she could trust him with the doubts that plagued her about the very core of who she is.

Seeming to find the answer that she was looking for in his eyes, she started to explain slowly, though not really sure how to put it all into words. _"Today, in the Cube, that guy – I felt so… enraged. I wanted to hurt him. The way his daughter had been hurt. The way I've been hurt. The amount of anger I felt towards him – . It was… I was… I just felt so out of control."_

"_You weren't the only one who was furious at the guy. I wanted to haul off and deck him. And you should've seen the looks Cal was giving the guy when he and Gillian came back after you… after the break." _

She shook her head. _"It's not the same. You don't understand. What if I… I mean, what kind of person would I be…how can I ever…" _She was finding it extremely difficult to voice her deepest fears, which were doing battle with her deepest desires. She started again in a quiet voice, afraid of the things she was about to say aloud, afraid it would make them true, _"How can I ever…" _A deep breath, then "_How can I ever be a mother? What kind of person would I be if I brought children into this world knowing that I…that I have the same genes that my father had, that I grew up in a violent situation, so I'm more prone to violence? What if I lost control? What if I did to them what he did to me? The thought of it –"_ Her voice broke as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

The sadness, the shame, the self-loathing displayed on her face made Loker sick to his stomach. He hated that her father still had control over her, that she still allowed him to control her life and her happiness, that she believed she wasn't worthy of anything better.

Getting up from the couch he walked over to where she sat and kneeled down in front of her. He took the takeout box from her, set it on the table behind him, took her hands in his, and looked her in the eyes, making sure he had her full attention.

"_Ria. I want you to listen to me and I want you to really hear me. You're not like your father. I'm not an expert on the science, but I do know this: It's about choice. It's about deciding what kind of parent you want to be and making the effort every single day to be that parent. It's about asking for help when you need it, recognizing your limitations, and recognizing your strengths. I know you. I know that you're not a violent person. You're a person who has had a lot of violence happen to you, had a lot of violence in your life, but that doesn't make you a violent person. The intense feelings of anger that you felt today weren't directed at some innocent bystander or an innocent child. They were directed towards a bastard that abused his daughter and you identified with her, not with him. The anger that you felt today wasn't just for that guy, though. It was for your father, too, and I think it's completely normal that you would have such an intense level of hate and rage towards him. But you have to stop letting him control you. You can't live your entire life afraid of yourself, afraid of really reaching for happiness. You are not a violent person, Ria. I know you too well to let you believe that about yourself. You could never harm an innocent child, and definitely not a child of your own. Okay?"_

She nodded and Loker could see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, could tell that he had really gotten through to her. The tears streaming down her face were like a cleansing flood, emptying her of the feelings of sadness, guilt and shame that she had carried around with her for so long. She leaned forward and pulled Loker into a hug, trying to convey all her gratefulness to him. She turned her head and kissed him on the cheek before whispering _"Thanks Eli."_


End file.
